Three-Quels: 5 Of the Best, 5 Of the Worst

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August 14, 2012 by Craig Sutherland

Off the back off TDKR breaking the Super-hero 3rd film jinx, (It’s not a masterpiece by any stretch) it’s time to look at the best and worst of the ‘Threequel’

The Best

1) Toy Story 3

Budget $200 Million

Woody goes on a rescue mission to save the rest of gang after they are mistakenly thrown out. The film was nominated for 5 Oscars and took home 2 on the night. It’s a perfect example of how to make a Three-Quel without trying to out-do the previous installments.

2)Mission Impossible 3

Budget $150 million

After the shambles that was John Woo’s MI:2, Tom Cruise and Paramount decided to give J J Abrams his directorial debut. Any spy film made post Bourne Identity couldn’t help but be influenced by it and MI:3 was no exception, a gritty, more grown up Ethan Hunt pulls no punches, it’s probably weaker that MI:1 but is a massive step up from MI:2

3) Die Hard With a Vengeance

Budget $90

John McTiernan returns to Die Hard franchise after the awful Die Hard 2: Die Harder (Worst name for sequel ever?)The film hinges on terrorist ‘Simon’ forcing McClane to jump through hoops, breaking the ‘terrorist takes over this place that McClane just happens to be in’ mould of the previous two Die Hard films.

4) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Budget $190 million

Azkaban is the lowest grossing of the Harry Potter series, in spite of this it was the shot in the arm the franchise needed, after two ‘Kids Films’ in the guise of ‘Philosophers Stone’ and ‘Chamber of Secrets’, Christopher Columbus gives us the dark side of the Potterverse and sets the tone for the rest of the Potter films.

5) Evil Dead III: Army of Darkness

Budget $13 million

Take a ‘Video nasty’ as your first installment, a comedy horror remake as the sequel, there’s no where left to go except back in time. Ash battles the ‘Medieval dead’ in 1300 AD. This is a great take on the horror comedy genre and a great sidestep from the ‘Cabin in the woods’ Set-up.

The Worst

1) Spider-Man 3

Budget $258 million

Four words… Jazz Club Dance Scene…Literally takes a decent film with one too many bad guys and turns it in a awful film that MUST be wiped from our minds FOREVER *Shudders*

After Sam Raimi successfully made a part 3 to his Evil Dead films he goes out makes a weighty romp with too many villains and not enough time with the titular character, whenever Spidey gets any screen time he’s ‘Emo’d’ up because of the ‘Venom’ suit.

Here you go…

2) Xmen: The Last Stand

Budget $210 Million

After all of Bryan Singer’s hard work on ‘Xmen and X2’ 20th century fox are forced to give the directors chair to Brett Ratner after Singer jumps ship to make the under-appreciated ‘Superman Returns’. Ratner refuses to use any form of subtlety and instead decides to take a page out of Michael Bay’s ‘Blow shit up and ask questions later’ book, the result is a film lacking in any of the humanity of Xmen 1 and 2….and Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut!! What the actual fuck?

3) Godfather 3

Budget $54 Million

The final installment of Francis Ford Coppola’s opus, FFC stated on the commentary track for Godfather Part II that he was compelled to make this film because of the financial failure of New York Stories and took up Paramount’s offer to make a the Three-Quel.

The plot is impossible to follow unless you have seen the previous two films and know them inside out, Sofia Coppola’s acting is especially poor and Al Pacino’s ‘Old Man’ makeup makes him look like he’s in a Crimewatch reconstruction.

4) Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

Budget $2.5 Million

So, for part 3 of this series Michael Myers is dropped and instead of being a Slasher Film we see a company called Silver Shamrock develop Halloween masks with a computer chip which contained a small part Stonehenge, When the Silver Shamrock advert airs on TV during Halloween, the mask kills the wearer unleashing killer snakes and insects that kill anyone near the wearer…

Do i really need to say anymore…



5) Matrix Revolutions

Budget $110 Million

Matrix Reloaded is a decent film, apart from that never ending conversation with The Architect, I think that Revolutions biggest problem is that no one gives a fuck about Zion (After that giant throbbing Sex-Dance-Party i think we all hoped the machines would just do their worst)  the fact that this is more anticlimactic than any ‘Final Installment’ in recent history. Oh yeah, Neo is now a super hero in the ‘Real World’, JUST DO ONE!


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